Being Proud of my accomplishments.

So, I'm sitting here on the verge of tears.  I'm absolutely refusing to let the tears flow though.  The tears are a combination of semi-hurt and angry tears that want to flow.  I'm upset because of something a so called friend posted on my Facebook wall in response to one of my comments. 

Here's the original post that I placed on my wall:

"Funny that I keep recieving info on the class of '00 reunion nxt yr when I have technically been outta hs 10yrs this year. I was a FT college freshman @LSC what shoulda been my senior yr. of hs. I've already hit the 10yr mark. I had just finished my 2nd sem. of college w/24 college credits under my belt when the class of '00 was walking the stage. 2 funny that I'm still considered part of the class of '00."

I didn't mean anything by it at all.  But this person who I have known for at least 20 years took offense.  I didn't mean for anyone to take offense.  I was just stating something that I personally think is kind of funny.  I never even thought that I'd be able to go to college.  I don't come from money.  I was sad and depresed through most of middle school and high school, at least 150 pounds over-weight, had horrible acne on my face, shoulders, back and chest, and my hair was kinda greasy.  I was a twitching freak due to having Tourette Syndome.  I knew I wasn't attractive and I knew popularity wasn 't in the cards.  I hated high school.  I was raised by a single mother who spent her life raising me and my baby brother on a factory workers salary.  Which didn't even hit the $25,000 mark.  I lived in a trailer park and shopped for clothes at the second hand stores or on the Wal-mart clearance racks.  None of this ever really bothered me.  The not having money was kind of a pain in the butt, but I think I turned out really well because of how hard I had to work.  Unlike this friend who came from money and a big family and had the advantages of traveling the world and seeing different things I had to work hard for what I wanted.  Nothing came easy.  I'm not saying that she had it easy either.  She really wasn't part of the popular crowd.  She had it just as tough as me for the opposite reasons.  While I got looked down upon for not having money...she got looked down upon at times for coming from money.   She wasn't exactly rich or a millionaire but her family wasn't hurting either.  I always kind of felt a sort of bond with her because we were made fun of.  For me getting out of high school early was a really proud moment.  Life was difficult but everything made me who I am today.   I got a job as soon as I turned 16 cleaning for a local motel during the summers and worked at Ames Department Store as a cashier over the holidays to make a little extra money.  I knew that the extravagent field trips that the private school I went to (all we have in my hometown is a private school and the state pays the townies tuition)  were out of the question.  I knew I would never go to a prom and date like the others in my class cuz it was too expensive, but I had faith that someday I could turn things around.  I wanted to go to college and get a career and be different than the rest of my family who had all just settled and given up on their dreams.  I knew it would take a lot of hard work to get their.  I honestly thought that if I got into community college part time I would be lucky.  

So, when I was given the opportunity to leave high school a year ealry and go to a real college, a state college in the next town over but a college none-the-less,   I was thrilled, ecstatic and very, very happy.  I had to work and live at home cuz it was still expensive but I was actually in college.  17 years old and what should have been my senior year of high school I was a full time college student surviving the classes and doing rather well.  I loved it!!  For some strange reason I fit in college better than I ever had in high school.  I gained self-confidence and starting losing weight and even started making friends with new people from out of state.  I didn't regret leaving high school early and I never felt as though I was missing out on anything by leaving my class a year early.  I always made relatively good grades but wasn't the smartest person in school.  This friend was always a lot smarter than me, she was athletic and musically talented as well.  I'll admit that at times I was jealous of her.   I was about average at what I could do in acting, music and even now don't see myself as anything really special.  To a certain degree I feel kind of honored that the Academy still has me on their list for the class of 2000. Getting to leave early gave me the confidence I needed to keep pushing forward.  I managed to get all my gen ed's taken care of in 2 years at LSC and transfered to an out of state school where I continued to do well. 

I'm trying really hard to not take offense to this girls comment cuz I know she's stressed right now.  She has a lot on her plate at the moment.  Her husband left for his deployment oversea's this morning and she's being forced to move into their new home without him their and she's probably pretty worried about her husband of course and starting to feel lonely so I can understand that maybe her mindset is on the defensive right now but I also don't think that she had any right to say what she said.  I may not always agree with her views on politics, religion, and other hot topics but I would also never leave a comment on a public site where anyone can see it with my views on a comment.  She has said a few things on her wall posts that I could easily have lashed out at her for, but I also know that she has the right to her opinions and to share her happiness and proud moments with whomever she wishes.  If she wants to brag about her new house, her happiness with her husband, her trip to Scotland or whereever and at times rub it in to her friends how wonderful her life is then thats her right.  I believe in the freedom of speech and that people have the right to express themselves and their opinions freely as well as something that to them might be a little funny or even exciting in a way that they see fit.  But I don't believe in leaving something rude or crude on another's profile that makes them feel small.  I could make snide comments if I'm having an off day and take something out of context but I would prefer to present myself with a little class and decorum.  I try to put myself in their shoes and before I hit the 'share' button to leave a comment re-read what I wrote to see if the way I phrased it could potentially hurt someone's feelings.  There have been many times where I have simply sputtered to myself in front of my computern screen after reading one of my friends comments that I took offense to or made me angry instead of posting a comment.  I was brought up to not say anything at all if I have nothing nice to say.  It's better to just let it go than say something that I might regret later.  

I never meant to appear as though I thought I was better than anyone.  I know I'm certainly not better than anyone.  I've accomplished some wonderful things that I'm very proud of but I also know that there are people out there (a lot of whom are on my friends list) that are far better people than me.  After this blog is posted I'm going to let go of the hurt I felt when she left the rude comment.  This blog is my way of letting go of the feelings for this topic before they get trapped in my head with no outlet and turn me into a pessimistic, angry and bitter person.  I'm an optimist.  I believe that everything truly does happen for a reason and that everything turns out the way it's supposed to.  Sometimes you just have to be a little bit patient and wait.  I'll also be able to forgive her and move on as friends if all feelings are out in the open.  

Thanks for allowing me the opportunity to ramble.  And...thanks for reading this if you did.  :)  **hugs** to you!!

Life....Goes....On......and couple more annoying subjects too!

Well, alrighty then!!  Here goes another long-ass ramble courtesy of Me!!!  

Tonight's first subject...life goes on!!!  What this means to most people is that no matter what happens be it good or bad, happy or sad, up or down, no matter what the situation happens to be at that very moment in a person's life ya gotta pick yourself back up off the ground, suck it up and move on!  What do these 3 very simple words mean to me is about the same but a little more personal.  

Here goes...my own definition.  I have learned that no matter what happens in my life, no matter how badly I get hurt or how sick I feel my life is going to keep rolling along.  As much as I would just love to stay under the covers and feel sorry for myself some days...I don't have this option.  I also know that even if I did end up staying under the covers of my big, soft, cozy and warm bed and cry away the day into a box of tissues that will get balled up and crammed under my pillow it's not gonna change the situation and stop the world from turning.  My life is still going to have to be faced at some point and the problem or illness will have to be dealt with.  So, my motto is suck it up and deal with it immediately!!  Move on with life!!!  Life Goes On!!!!  You might be asking yourself "Why is this chick blogging about this?"  Well, it's kind of because I have a few things that need to come out of my head and tonight's the night because of something that my Intro to Business teacher said.  Sadly, what he said tonight fits my situation and the thoughts I have been thinking lately.  Some of which have to do with my feelings about my life in general. 

Let's start officially!  I was sitting in class tonight trying desperately to focus on the lesson Mr. Fucci was teaching.  I have been battling migraines again for the last few weeks and the last couple of days they have finally gotten to the point where it feels as though my brain is trying to push it's way out of my skull through my eye sockets w/out moving my eyes first.  In other words I was in an immense amount of pain while sitting in class.  Now, I do have medication I can take if needed but in order to make it through the class I couldn't take it.  It makes me loopy, groggy and as intolerable as the pain from the migraine can be at least I can remain awake.  Last night I didn't go to my other class because I was unable to move from being in so much pain.  Tonight, however, I made the choice to suck it up and go to class.  I'm glad I did.  It was a lesson worth attending.  I sat through the class suffering with the God awful pain and throbbing that was going on within my skull.  One of the things that Mr. Fucci told us was that he got his MBA while working full time, paying bills, keeping a marriage alive and helping to raise 3 kids.  It made me feel all the better about my choice to suck it up and go to class.  I'm a single mom, not a lot of family help, my son;s father has chosen not to be a part of his life so I very rarely get breaks, and I work as well, while paying my own bills, grocery shopping, etc.  I can relate to my teacher.  I knew exactly what he was talking about.  In the end I'm going to appreciate the decision I made to go to class.  Not only will I be able to look back and be proud of my accomplishments but someday Cammie, my son, will know that regardless of what kind of curve balls life tosses at him, that he can achieve anything he sets his mind to by a little hard work and sticking with things.  In the end the Life Goes On lesson is good lesson to teach.  

There's more to the Life goes On part of this though.  I really started thinking about this lesson a few nights ago.  I've been watching the world pair up around me and what tossed me over the emotionally lonely edge was the news that a guy I once liked, someone I happen to still be friends with, is now in a relationship.  It bothered me enough that I went to bed that night and just started to cry into my pillow.  Sobbing these enormous sobs.  I was hurt.  For some reason I was hurt.  Don't ask me why.  At that moment I couldn't even make sense of it.  It was irrational and illogical that I would be hurt by this news.  I don't have any feeling left for him.  We never would have worked.  He and I are at totally different places in our lives.  He is still very much a child and wants to do childish things and act as though he is still in the beginning years of college.  He has habits that could be considered lazy and completely annoying to me and our personalities are totally opposite.  I reached into the inner depths of myself as I was thinking these thoughts and sobbing into my pillow to figure out if I did still have feelings for him.  Did I??  The answer was no.  Obviously.  I somehow went from crying to laughing.  Why the hell did it bother me so much that my friend was happy??  It had nothing to do with him and his happiness.  I was/am very happy for him. We might not have worked as anything other than friends, but I was thrilled that he found someone to care for and someone to care for him in the ways that he deserves..  We got together one weekend back in August to hang out and see of there was anything there and while I had feeling for him...he didn't have any for me after months and months of flirting...he felt nada...I got hurt and once again here was a Life Goes On lesson I learned again.  I did/do still have him in my life as a very wonderful friend.  So, knowing all of this why did it initially bother me??  Jealousy!  Plain and simple jealousy!!  nothing more.  I was being selfish and jealous!!  I was feeling lonely and I realized that one more person who I care about was officially paired up and I stupidly got upset.  The next day I woke up and reminded myself that he deserved happiness and that someday I would find someone wonderful too.  Someday I would find someone to love me and care for me the way I know I deserve to be loved and I'll do the same for that person too.  So, I made the choice to suck it up, get outta bed and move on.  After all...Life Goes On!!!!  These are the 2 big reasons that initially prompted this blog!!

I think for the moment I'm going to end this blog!  I will blog the other annoying subjects later once I have eaten something.

Thanks for reading!!!!

Til next time!!  :-[)

I'm Officially the Family Charity Case.

So, I'm feeling kinda pathetic...my Auntie Carol offered to pay for an online dating site for a Christmas gift so I can get back out there and start dating. Both my aunt and mom feel sorry for me and how alone I am. I'm a combination of flattered they wanna help and feeling the single-hood even more now that my family looks at me with that "oh, how sad...she's all alone" look they both get. I think they realize they are getting up there and may not always be around so they don't want me to be alone if and when that happens....kinda sweet I guess. lol

I know in a matter of a few years there is a big chance that it will come down to just me and Cammie but I really do try not to think about that. My family is all just a few short years away from their 70's and above and not exactly in the best of health but I don't really wanna be their charity case cuz they fear that when and if the time comes to deal with this situation I'll be more alone than ever. I know it's definitely a strong possibility since my dating/love life sucks, but I also know that a lot can happen/change in a year too. Maybe there is someone wonderful in my near future and I will stop finding men who use me then toss me back once they are done or hit on me for one reason and one alone. Kinda sucks actually. But I also know that after the last year and a half of being a solo-mom w/out a lot of help, losing my job, all the family medical issues that have arisen I can handle anything. I'm one tough, strong, highly independent chick who can handle anything tossed at me. I know my family worries about me and I really do appreciate it but I'll be ok no matter what happens. Yes, I'd prefer to have someone there by my side when and if the time comes to lose everyone I care about in my family (my family is all older, unhealthy and small...there is 6 of us left) but if that doesn't happen then I'll do just fine on my own like I always have. I'm good at being alone. I know how to take care of myself and everyone around me. I can do anything!!!

Feel free to laugh at this ramble and the fact that I'm officially the family charity case. It was funny to me too. :-)

Dating, Marriage and Me.

Originally posted in my Facebook Notes on October 1, 2009.

So, I need to get this outta my head. It's my newest revelation. Something that I've kinda always known about myself but am just now confirming.

There's a movie that stars Julia Roberts and Richard Gere (No, not Pretty Woman but the other one) The Runaway Bride. This movie I can actually relate to somewhat. Here's why...I have been engaged 3 times. Married once. I've tried planning all of them. The wedding that is...and with each one my brain goes into a tailspin, a frenzy of fears. I thought it was mostly because I knew that each one of the men I was wearing the ring for was not "The One" (which was true) but not the full cause. It was also because I'm not that big wedding, humdinger of a reception, family and friends surrounding us, white poofy dress, dance all night long type. I was watching the movie Runaway Bride the other night and chatting with a very dear friend and we both started laughing. I realized at that moment that I have the potential to be a "Runaway Bride" I hate the whole concept of the 'Big Wedding' or even a small wedding.

After talking to my friend and laughing I finally realized that I'm a fast paced, take the plunge in the spur of the moment, heat of passion, jump head first w/out thinking type of chick. I want to believe that my other friend Kyle is right. (Yes, Kyle I'm beginning to think you might just be right on this next thing) That when you meet the one you're supposed to be with you'll know right away from the first time you look at them. Then I would like to believe that it's all in the kiss. That kiss that feels electric and heated, where fireworks and flames erupt and the world around you disappears. I've felt that way once before. That type of magnetic attraction. Fallen so far into love from day one that fear takes hold and every other emotion that goes along with love. Though I fell madly in love with him from day one and the kiss was everything wonderful that one person can feel, a kiss so good it should be against the law, I knew he was not "The One." He was my first real love though. But I do think that Kyle has it right. I'll know from day one when I actually meet him. That the man I'm supposed to be with is standing right there in front of me. But when it comes to marriage, for me it's gonna have to be as exciting as that first heated kiss. No plans. No audience. No big deal. The marriage for me is going to have to be something romantic, exciting, spur of the moment, middle of the night, in the middle the week, snowing outside, justice of the peace type of thing. The relationship will happen so fast that we'll shock people and maybe make some angry and maybe even have some people simply saying "oh well, that's just Mell for ya!" Honeymoon in the middle of the week, take the vows for family and friends after the first year. This is my ideal scenario. I'm not afraid to take the plunge into marriage. I'm afraid of the actual ceremony. I'm afraid of something big and showy. I think it's awesome if that's what people want and can handle but it's not for me. I'm not afraid to go plunging head first into something fast and crazy-like.

So, there's my new revelation. Even my mom agreed that she could see this being the way I end up being married someday. All this because my friend and I watched the Runaway Bride and started laughing. Good times with good friends and a good movie.

I believe that whether you wait years to get to know each other then marry or meet, fall madly in love and move quicker than the speed of light you can make the relationship/marriage work. No matter what type of relationship (slow and more traditional or modern and exciting) they take hard work and communication.

So, to anyone who thinks I'm cute and is considering asking me out (hahaha) be warned...I move fast! I am not a traditional type of chick! I am affectionate and can be somewhat aggressive as well and I'm also a very big hopeless romantic. Homemade gifts, cheesy dorky things, kissing and hugs are some of my favorite things and parts of who I am. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I don't believe in holding back. I'm blunt and to the point and I'll lay all my cards on the table from day one. I'm no longer into the whole game playing B.S. part of dating. I do want to be married someday (obviously, right? LOL) and I wouldn't mind 1 maybe 2 more kids someday as well. So, there you have it. Mell as a whole.

I like me and that's all that matters and thanks to a movie night last weekend I have finally figured out a few more details of the inner workings of my somewhat scary brain.

:-D

Warning: Major Ranting Involved.

Another one being transferred from my Facebook Notes. Originally typed...September 15, 2009.

So, here's the deal...tonight I hit my breaking point on a couple of topics!!! I'm placing my soapbox on the floor and stepping up onto it!! I'm gonna rant and there's nothing that you can do about it!! These are my opinions and I'm sorry if they offend anyone!! Actually no...I'm not sorry cuz these are my opinions and I'm entitled to them just like all of you are entitled to your opinions and I'm gonna respect then if you comment on this...

Here goes! I'm probably the only one in my age group that feels this way. Call it an old fashioned way of thinking or a Vermont hippie point of view but this is how I feel. I HATE cell phones!!! The damn things have become a staple in today's society. Every where I look there's someone with a God Damn cell phone either attached to their ear or in their hands with their fingers typing rapidly over the keys. These damn contraptions have made life "easier" and more "convenient" cuz they make people more accessible and people can now have the internet with them wherever they go. Maps, directions, shopping, email, calling someone and checking in on your kids has been made pocket size. It also makes for a really rude world. Now, I'm willing to acknowledge that I got involved in the cell phone craze as well so I can understand how addicting they become. I've been there. I loved texting, checking my email anywhere (the break room at work, the grocery store, etc) taking pictures became an addiction of mine. I loved my cell phone back in 2004-2007. Then I stopped. Canceled my plan cuz I found myself caught up in this awful world where the modern conveniences I left my home to get away from was following me around in the pocket of my blue jeans and I gasped at what I had become. Somewhat ashamed that I had gotten caught up in this horrible trend. I had become a conformist. I had lost all perspective on life. I saw myself turning into someone I hated in more ways than I really want to admit. When I took a walk I brought my phone. When I went canoeing and kayaking I brought my phone. When I went out to the grocery store I brought my phone. It was awful!! I always swore I would never become one of them. A (gulp) conformist. A tend follower. I even found myself arguing reasons as to why I "needed" my cell phone with me at all times. What if I get lost? What if I need help? What if I need to call home to find out what my roomies want for dinner? These are among probably hundred's of thousands of reasons I found to keep my cell phone. Then in late 2007 I got rid of the damn thing. I took a hammer to it and just blasted the thing into tiny little plastic pieces. I looked like someone who had completely lost her mind. A mad woman!! A nut!! A crazy person who had just escaped from the nut house!! Now, I'm happier! No cell phone! And a know what the world didn't stop!! I have gone back to old school ways of communicating!! I have a land line!! I have an answering machine! I check my messages when I get home! I use pay phones and yes people these things still exist!! I have a calling card for long distance calls! I leave a list of names and numbers on my fridge and bulletin board with next to my work schedule and class schedule so all people have to do is remove themselves from the couch or chair and walk over to the fridge and look at the schedule to see where I am on what day and then look at the list of numbers to find what number to call! Seems difficult right? You're saying right now that my way is a lot of work. Well ok maybe it is but it gets my family and friends exercise and forces them to use their brains. I absolutely refuse to allow my son to take the easy way out. So what if it's a little more work. So what if it's the old fashioned way!! I think it's healthier and I like to think of it as a little puzzle. You find the day of the week on the calendar (check) then you look at my schedule and find the time and location of where I am then you look at list number 3 and there's the number to call me in case of an emergency of in case of any questions you need answered! Viola!! You've succeeded!! You win!!! You just burned some calories and you have won the game!! You found me!! Treat yourself to a piece of candy cuz you've earned it!! Pat yourself on the back and reward yourself for now taking the easy way out and using your cell phone!! Whoo hoo!!!!!

Rant number 2 is a continuation of rant number 1!! Dating, hanging out with friends, shopping, classes, and various other things regarding the rudeness of cell phones!!! I've started paying attention to certain areas where cell phones show up. Everywhere!!!! I was hanging out with a friend a few weeks ago and my snotty side flared. I didn't mean for it to happen but it rally started to push my buttons. This was the start of my breaking point on this topic. This friend is a really nice, sweet, highly intelligent, good looking, friendly, hardworking man who only has a few habits that actually annoy me. His texting being the biggest one now that I really think about it. But it's not just him it's lots of things. My tolerance level is low on this topic because I am so old fashioned on it and I can see both sides. Like I said I've been that addicted cell phone person. Ok, getting a little off topic. With this friend we were starting to watch a movie and he was getting text after text after God Damn text. While we were hanging out and not once did he think it was rude. It's become the "norm" to be rude and impolite. To me hanging out with friends is a social event even if it's only one friend where your focus is with that person or within that group of friends. You have either as 2 people agreeing to hang out or as a group of chums hanging out to be within that group. You have made an unspoken pact to just have fun without a ton of other commotion interrupting. Meaning no outside influences. No cell phones, computers, no being rude to one another. Your choice to hang out as friends in any size group means that you're committed to that activity whether it be watching a movie in someones living room or at an actual movie theater or playing video games, going dancing, or any other social activity where friends hang together. But I've noticed that cell phones are the norm at social gatherings. That it's cool to text, chat, surf the net, listen to music when out at a social gathering. I hate this!!! It's the same thing with dating. I went out on a date a few months ago and the guy's cell phone kept going off. He was polite enough not to answer it. But he kept checking it, turning off that obnoxious beep that alerted him that he had a new text/voice mail. He lost major points with me and I left. It's just plain rude, impolite and inconsiderate to have that happen in the middle of a date. I'm sick and tired of going out on dates and hanging out with friends and sometimes even family and having to put up with this rude but socially acceptable modern day behavior where I'm part of a very slim minority. People look at me like I have 2 heads and belong in the nut house when I express my point of view and 'un-cool' off the wall opinions. I get looks like I've gone coo coo. Well, I don't care!! When I go out with someone and you have a cell phone going off constantly and you have to text back or call back immediately then you're gonna lose major points!!! That in any civilized society would be considered absolutely out of the question and completely rude behavior!! Where have all our manners gone?? And I fear the worst is yet to come!! Are manners ever going to make a comeback?? Or is this it?? Has the world finally lost all sense of whats right and whats rude??

And my last point of the night...my last crazy rant is this: I fear whats going to happen with future generation. Whats worse to me is that we're teaching our children that it's ok to do this on a date or at a social gathering. We're teaching our children that it's ok to hold up a grocery check out line because a text or call came in and we get so engrossed that we stop paying attention. We're teaching this future generation that it's ok to be rude in some ways but remember your manners in other situations. Using excuses that we feed our own brains (reasoning with our choices) and telling other people when confronted with this topic that if we don't have these conveniences we'll fall behind. When did this happen. When I leave my home I'm doing this to get away from "modern conveniences" I want to spend time with my son uninterrupted by the phone. I'm taking a walk to get away from the jumbles and messes of cyberspace. I'm going grocery shopping to pick up groceries not chat with friends. I'm walking out my door to head out into the open world to go to work or to school. Places that both consist of some type of learning atmosphere.

I want Cameron to be able to function without modern conveniences before he uses them when he hits an age where he can make that choice for himself. I want him to be prepared for the future but not in a way that's going to compromise his ability to be a polite, well mannered young man. I want my son to know that the world wasn't always like this.

My hope is that the past repeats itself and some day being with friends, dating and just plain being a part of the world itself will remember that it's ok to slow down and fall behind a bit. It's ok to stop and smell the roses. It's ok if people talk uninterrupted between just the friends sitting on a futon watching as movie or out with a group. That ya might get more than one date with a highly intelligent, pretty, optimistic, small town Vermont girl is ya just leave that cell phone at home and people (or a certain friend) would not have snotty comments and snippy remarks made if that damn cell phone was just set aside and better yet turned off. Texting isn't everything. Friends if they are true friends can understand this (apparently highly unusual concept) There are other ways of functioning in life. People survived for generations without cell phones, internet and other modern ways of living. I realize that this blog/note is off the wall and an off the charts coo coo ramble and rant to most who will read it and I am aware that I'm pretty much alone in these opinions. I'm 27 and part of a completely co-dependent generation. I'll be the first to admit that I'd probably be lost without internet. But if it was for some reason taken away then I also know I wouldn't die!! I'd move on with life and go back to the other ways of old school living. But I'm gonna take this one ramble/addiction at a time.

I'm sufficiently done for the moment. I'm now stepping off my soap box and moving on with life.

Thanks to those who actually read this and please feel free to leave your opinions, rants or bold blunt feelings. :-D

Remember the one who.....

This was originally posted in my Facebook Notes on May 25, 2009. I'm just transferring all notes to this blog site.

OK, so here I go. I've pulled out my soap box and am now placing myself upon it. I'm pissed off, annoyed, disgusted, completely irate and infuriated by the lack of care this generation seems to have. WTF!! People used to give a damn!! People used to be more than just talk!! People used to show up in droves to celebrate and remember the lives of those who have died serving and protecting this country and those who are still fighting for this country!! I'm a veterans daughter. A veterans Granddaughter. A veterans niece. A veterans Great-granddaughter. My son's father is now in the Army. While I might not like him very much I appreciate what he is doing for us!! What he and many other are doing or have done for this country. I have lost friends to wars. I have seen friends lives fall apart upon a "safe" return home to their families. I've watched my own father suffer from blackouts, alcoholism, drug addiction, fears and memories left from what he saw in Vietnam as a Combat Field Medic. I've seen PTSD claim families!! Their lives as much as the soldier's lives get torn apart. I've lived it. Marriages suffer and die right along with the soldiers who lost their lives in battle. So, when it comes to days like today that mean a lot to me. A day that should be commemorated in a very big way I get disappointed and pissed off when I see people (my age especially) not giving a damn!!! What happened to all of us?? When did we stop caring?? What are we teaching our kids?? I refuse to lose sight of why we celebrate the memory of our loved ones!! I won't allow Cammie to become a kid who doesn't care!!! I want him to know what today means!!! So, forgive me if when I go to the parade in my hometown and see the lack of enthusiasm and the lack of care and the complete lack of respect from the crowd I get a lot pissed off!! Stand up andf clap for the soldiers who walk before you!! Have the God Damn marching bands in proper formation and at least acting as though they want to be there. Make a bigger scene for the soldiers who have done everything for you people!!

Now ya might be saying to me. "Hey, I'm anti war!! I don't believe in it" Ok, I get it!! I'm anti-war, anti-gun, and anti-violence and I'm all about the peace, happiness, harmony and love!! My motto is always gonna be Make love not war!! But at the same time whether I like it or not...there are men and women in other countries making huge sacrifices to keep us safe. There have been men and women who have given their lives to protect us!! Celebrate them and the memory of the soldiers who do the fighting!! You might not like it but it happens!! War happens!!

So, before I step down off my soap box I'll leave you with this! If you haven't already done so...tell a loved one who fought that you love them and you appreciate what they have done or are doing for you. Shake the hand of that man who is selling the poppy's for the VFW!! Tell him thank you!! Remind him that YOU/WE do care about them!! Cuz if we all stop caring and people turn into what I saw at the parade today then we are all screwed!! Come on people let's start caring about things and people again!! If not for ourselves then for our kids and the generations to come!!

Thank You!!