Well, alrighty then!! Here goes another long-ass ramble courtesy of Me!!!
Tonight's first subject...life goes on!!! What this means to most people is that no matter what happens be it good or bad, happy or sad, up or down, no matter what the situation happens to be at that very moment in a person's life ya gotta pick yourself back up off the ground, suck it up and move on! What do these 3 very simple words mean to me is about the same but a little more personal.
Here goes...my own definition. I have learned that no matter what happens in my life, no matter how badly I get hurt or how sick I feel my life is going to keep rolling along. As much as I would just love to stay under the covers and feel sorry for myself some days...I don't have this option. I also know that even if I did end up staying under the covers of my big, soft, cozy and warm bed and cry away the day into a box of tissues that will get balled up and crammed under my pillow it's not gonna change the situation and stop the world from turning. My life is still going to have to be faced at some point and the problem or illness will have to be dealt with. So, my motto is suck it up and deal with it immediately!! Move on with life!!! Life Goes On!!!! You might be asking yourself "Why is this chick blogging about this?" Well, it's kind of because I have a few things that need to come out of my head and tonight's the night because of something that my Intro to Business teacher said. Sadly, what he said tonight fits my situation and the thoughts I have been thinking lately. Some of which have to do with my feelings about my life in general.
Let's start officially! I was sitting in class tonight trying desperately to focus on the lesson Mr. Fucci was teaching. I have been battling migraines again for the last few weeks and the last couple of days they have finally gotten to the point where it feels as though my brain is trying to push it's way out of my skull through my eye sockets w/out moving my eyes first. In other words I was in an immense amount of pain while sitting in class. Now, I do have medication I can take if needed but in order to make it through the class I couldn't take it. It makes me loopy, groggy and as intolerable as the pain from the migraine can be at least I can remain awake. Last night I didn't go to my other class because I was unable to move from being in so much pain. Tonight, however, I made the choice to suck it up and go to class. I'm glad I did. It was a lesson worth attending. I sat through the class suffering with the God awful pain and throbbing that was going on within my skull. One of the things that Mr. Fucci told us was that he got his MBA while working full time, paying bills, keeping a marriage alive and helping to raise 3 kids. It made me feel all the better about my choice to suck it up and go to class. I'm a single mom, not a lot of family help, my son;s father has chosen not to be a part of his life so I very rarely get breaks, and I work as well, while paying my own bills, grocery shopping, etc. I can relate to my teacher. I knew exactly what he was talking about. In the end I'm going to appreciate the decision I made to go to class. Not only will I be able to look back and be proud of my accomplishments but someday Cammie, my son, will know that regardless of what kind of curve balls life tosses at him, that he can achieve anything he sets his mind to by a little hard work and sticking with things. In the end the Life Goes On lesson is good lesson to teach.
There's more to the Life goes On part of this though. I really started thinking about this lesson a few nights ago. I've been watching the world pair up around me and what tossed me over the emotionally lonely edge was the news that a guy I once liked, someone I happen to still be friends with, is now in a relationship. It bothered me enough that I went to bed that night and just started to cry into my pillow. Sobbing these enormous sobs. I was hurt. For some reason I was hurt. Don't ask me why. At that moment I couldn't even make sense of it. It was irrational and illogical that I would be hurt by this news. I don't have any feeling left for him. We never would have worked. He and I are at totally different places in our lives. He is still very much a child and wants to do childish things and act as though he is still in the beginning years of college. He has habits that could be considered lazy and completely annoying to me and our personalities are totally opposite. I reached into the inner depths of myself as I was thinking these thoughts and sobbing into my pillow to figure out if I did still have feelings for him. Did I?? The answer was no. Obviously. I somehow went from crying to laughing. Why the hell did it bother me so much that my friend was happy?? It had nothing to do with him and his happiness. I was/am very happy for him. We might not have worked as anything other than friends, but I was thrilled that he found someone to care for and someone to care for him in the ways that he deserves.. We got together one weekend back in August to hang out and see of there was anything there and while I had feeling for him...he didn't have any for me after months and months of flirting...he felt nada...I got hurt and once again here was a Life Goes On lesson I learned again. I did/do still have him in my life as a very wonderful friend. So, knowing all of this why did it initially bother me?? Jealousy! Plain and simple jealousy!! nothing more. I was being selfish and jealous!! I was feeling lonely and I realized that one more person who I care about was officially paired up and I stupidly got upset. The next day I woke up and reminded myself that he deserved happiness and that someday I would find someone wonderful too. Someday I would find someone to love me and care for me the way I know I deserve to be loved and I'll do the same for that person too. So, I made the choice to suck it up, get outta bed and move on. After all...Life Goes On!!!! These are the 2 big reasons that initially prompted this blog!!
I think for the moment I'm going to end this blog! I will blog the other annoying subjects later once I have eaten something.
Thanks for reading!!!!
Til next time!! :-[)
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