QUIET Reflections...hehe

So, someone described me as quiet.  Of all things to describe as...quiet is certainly not one I hear very often.  Quirky, strange, loner, odd, weird, kind, loud, obnoxious, cocky, colorful, perky, optimistic, bubbly, hard-working, kind-of funny, opinionated, intelligent, blunt, slightly arrogant.  These are things that ring true when describing me.  But Quiet??  Not so much.  I mean of course I do get quiet on occasion...who doesn't?  I get quiet when I'm lost in thought.  I'm quiet when I'm pissed off at someone.  I'm quiet when I'm day-dreaming about a someone I should sooooo NOT be day dreaming about.  I get quiet when I'm alone.  (of course)  But quiet is not something any of my friends or family would describe me as.  

But...this person who used this term was someone who strictly knew me inside of a classroom.  So, to a certain degree I can understand their misconception of me.  Yes, OK this setting I'm quiet in until I really get comfortable with things.  Mostly though...I observe people.  Watch them.  Watch their faces when something is being said that might seem out of the ordinary.  Look at their clothes, shoes, hair-styles.  I try to observe everything.  I like to breathe everything in.  Most people are very predictable and they don't even know it.  9 times out of ten a person's personality is correct upon this type of quiet observation. This type of observation of people's predict abilities is how I remained an A student in public speaking during college in Bangor, ME.  

For me...I try very hard not to be predictable.  I don't want anyone to truly feel as though they know me just yet.  Of course the one exception to this is when I make friends or am in a relationship with someone...then it's only appropriate and respectful to allow people to get to know me and share my true self with them.  Otherwise I'd just be a horrible person and very disrespectful.  I do have my exceptions and limits.  But...for the most part...I like change.  I crave change.  I like things that upset the balance of my life.  I like learning new things.  I try very hard to present myself as anything but predictable. Maybe I've been too quiet in the classroom.  Or....maybe I've been just the correct amount of quiet.  This person said I was polite, nice, a pleasure to be around.  But the word that always catches me off guard is quiet.  People!!  Take a good hard look at the things I post on my FB page.  Read through my status messages.  This is the real me.  I like being daring.  I enjoy making some people cringe.  I like trying to push the edge of the envelope to the point of discomfort.  I enjoy the idea of making people wonder about me. I love that OMG!!! look of shock when a person see's me outside of a class or work setting.  I am very different when in the "real world" setting where I'm allowed to be myself.   I get to be myself outside the walls of a classroom setting.  I'm not politically correct.  I like being naughty.  I enjoy the sexual side of life.  And of course while I admit and acknowledge being seen by men as just that is not something I want nor desire as I am so much more than just that.  I also don't feel that I should be forced to change the way I view my sexuality.  I am more than this too.  I am smart and sexy and see no reason as to why I can't be both.  I'm confident with who I am and see no reason why this is wrong.  

So, those last statements are to acknowledge one of my previous blogs about how I want to be asked out for more than just sexual reasons.  I won't deny that this may seem like I'm contradicting what I said in that blog and to a certain degree that may be somewhat true but at the same time I still am more than just that sexual being and just because I exude a sexual confidence and leave naughty messages on my FB wall does not mean that this topic is all I care to talk about when chatting.  I still hold the right to be sexy and naughty but intelligent and brainy at the same time.  I see absolutely no reason as to why I should have to change that particular part of my personality.  I consider myself well rounded.  I'm emotional, for a couple 2-3 days out of the month I get moody, I'm a damn good mom to my son and always put him first, I'm an honor student, smart and open-minded.  I'm independent and have even made a fair share of mistakes some of which have left a huge impact on my life.  I'm not perfect.  Far from it.  But overall I'm a well rounded good person who strives for excellence in myself and my sexual confidence is just one minor part of me.  I'm happy with who I am and stand by that blog that asked/told any man who hits on me not to expect anything sexual from me.  I might post naughty messages and discuss these topics with my friends...friends who know all of my personality....but I'm so much more. And these friends know this about me.  These are the friends who also talk about politics, religion, books, writing, music, etc.  Sex is not the only topic that comes up.  I won't change that side of me.  I won't stop posting the naughty messages on my FB wall.  If you look closer at my profile you will see that there is a whole lot more to me.  Everything is there.  Clear as a sunny spring morning.  Written out so no one has to guess.  I'm open and honest and willing to answer anything you ask of me.  


OK, so I went off on a bit too long of a tangent and ramble but I figured it was only fair to acknowledge that this blog might slightly contradict that prior blog.  Continuing on with my point below...


There is another reason I try to be more of a quiet observer in this type of setting.  It's also because I want to learn everything I can about the subject to the best of my abilities.  I feel that someone (whether it be myself or the government through grants and loans) s paying for me to be sitting in that class and in that respect I want to take it somewhat seriously.  I want to make good use of every cent that is being paid for me to be sitting there.  I like to show the instructor some respect as well and if I choose to be myself (the more silly, shocking, naughty, sexually aggressive side) then I think this would be extremely disrespectful to not just the teacher but the class as a whole.  

More than anything I just wanted to get this curious discovery spoken about me out in the open.  It came across as befuddling and funny to me.  I'm not really quiet.  I'm actually the total opposite in person.  Truth be told I would actually like to get to know this person outside of the classroom as well.  They are a very attractive, interesting person who seems to have a lot of knowledge beyond the subjects being studied.  And it wouldn't kill them to discover the many sides of Mell either.  I'd like to think that I'm a lot of fun to be around and that I can enhance anyone's life hehehe.  :p

Til next time!!

~M~

Why do men......

Stay in touch with every single girl they once dated??  I've dated enough men to notice a pattern.  Most of these men have remained friends with practically every ex-girlfriend or woman they have dated throughout their life.  Why??  Why must men continue to be friends with exes??  I'm baffled by this.  

I've been watching one of my friends...a very sweet guy...someone who is guilty of this odd type of relationship thingy.  He is literally friends with every single chick he has ever dated.  And now I'm watching him on Facebook every day as he continues to flirt and chat and tehehe with a girl that just dumped him and almost ruined his lifelong friendship with his best mate of like 15 years.  Seriously??  Is it some kind of 'I don't wanna let go" issue.  Is it psychological??  Cuz it makes absolutely no sense to me.  And yes, to those who may be thinking "Well chicks are guilty of this too."  I am fully aware that some chicks remain friends with exes but it still doesn't make it any easier to understand.  I dump a guy or break up with someone and that's it.  It's over.  Done.  No more.  I walk away and call it good.  I cry, get angry, go through the motions and emotions that follow a break up (watching chick flicks and crying into a box of tissues...think the new Reba Mcentire song 'Strange'...it's true to what most women do post-break-up)  But once it's over...it's over!!  The End!  I don't remain in contact.  I don't talk to them.  I don't IM them or keep them as friends on my social networking sites.  I just call it quits and after a few months stop thinking about them altogether.  I move on to new and greener grounds.  

So, why do men feel the need to hang on to the one's that got away if they have no real reason to?  If they have no kids and no ties to them financially...why hold on to them?  

Woops!  I got off track a bit.  I was talking about my friend.  Let's call him....K.  Now K is this sweet...somewhat annoying and lazy man but still sweet.  He's a good guy who in my opinion can do better than this evil horrible girl who broke up with him, broke his heart and tried to kill a 15 year friendship.  She was mean to him in plain site.  It was awful to watch.  But no one could do anything.  It was his battle.  So, she calls it off.  Is really mean to him.  He fell apart.  Saved the friendship.  And now he's right back to square one.  He remained friends with her.  A pattern he has.  Break up.  Fall apart.  Remain friends.  Bitch to friends about how he got burned but go and hang out with one of the exes the next night.  Makes no sense to me as I have previously stated.  Now, he's flirting with this wretched woman again.  She's digging her claws back in and he's falling for it.  He's flirting right back.  This is an example of sheer stupidity to me.  Why is it so hard to break up, fall apart, delete them off the friends list and move on with life?  Nothing says you have to remain mad at them.  Nothing says you have to be mean to them if you bump into them in public.  Nothing says that you can't be happy for them if they find someone new and you see them on the street.  Congratulate them for Christ's sake.  I don't care.  But is it really necessary to be friends with them and still hang out with them?? Ahhhh!!!  

I may never understand this topic.  I may never fully be able to grasp this strange ritual that a lot of men seem to have and worse...need!  It has made many relationships difficult for me.  I had one ex who spent more time with 4 of his exes than he did with me.  He had all these inside secrets and  stories that he would laugh and joke about with them while I'd be left sitting there confused and wondering what the Hell he saw in me if he was having loads more fun chilling with the exes.  He collects exes as though they are going out of style.  He had 9 exes on his friends list.  Most of which he hung out with regularly.  Did this bother me??  I'd be lying if I said it didn't.  It wasn't that I didn't trust him but it was more that I felt left out.  He had no time for me after a while.  I think I might be the one ex he is never going to be friends with.  It's not that I'm angry with him anymore.  I'm happy for him wherever he may be.  He was a good guy, but we were just too different.  But for me I don't need to collect my exes as though they are nic nacs or better yet trophies that need to be displayed upon a shelf as reminders of what once was and can never be again.  I know how to and need to let go when things are over.  To me the memories that were good can be collected and stored in a folder within my memory.  The bad memories get chucked.  And the men of my former dating life neatly set on the curb for some other woman to find and have as her own while I move on to someone else eventually too.  Exes just make things too complicated when trying to start life anew with someone else.  

But I kind of get the feeling that men collect exes and set them on that shelf  (the equivalent of a friends list on a social networking site) because they have more difficulty letting go than I ever thought possible.  Men claim to be strong and the tougher sex, but in the end they may actually be more emotionally unstable than women.  I mean there has to be some kind of psychological and emotional reason for men to cling to their past in the form of the female body, right?  Then again I could be wrong.  That's been known to happen.  Who knows.  

Well, anywho.  I'm going to end this ramble and rant on the many confusions of men.  As I've gotten older and listened to men and women alike griping over who is more complex.  Men say women.  Women say men.  I, personally believe more now than ever that we're equal in the confusions.  50/50 in complexity.  The topics of confusion may be different when it comes to men and women but the sexes are equally confusing.  Instead of arguing over this topic any further lets call a truce and accept that there is never going to be a full understanding of who, what, where, when and why things happen and why we do the things we do.  

Thanks for reading this...til next time.


~M~

I'm...............

So tired of being hit on!!!!  Didn't see that one coming did ya now??  I've finally losing it when it comes to this!!  These 2 men have hit on me for the last time!!!  Let's start this ramble!!  

Be warned before reading any further that you may learn a few things about me ya might not wanna know depending on how we know each other...

I'll be the first to admit that I want to be in a relationship but not for the reasons that I keep getting hit on for.  The men that hit on me are some from my past.  Back in Maine I wasn't so proper.  I'll admit that I was sexually confident.  I used to come home from one date change my clothes and go out on another.  I had different dates every night of the week.  No, I didn't sleep with all of them.  That's just ridiculous and gross.  I just simply went out with most of them.  Ya know...glow bowling, dinner, a movie here and there.  And yeah of course I did sleep with some of them.  I'm human...I have needs/wants too.  I have done the whole one night stand thing.  But that's all in my past.  Done!!!  Over!!!  Fine'!!!!!  Nothing I want to do again. Do I miss sex??  Oh Hell yes!!!!  I'll be the first to admit that.  (Ideally, if I could have my way...I'd have sex every day for the rest of my life when in a relationship...once again I reiterate that this is simply an "ideal" fantasy I have...most men are unable to keep up with my sexually)  Think of me as the epitome of that phrase "It's the quiet ones you have to watch out for."  

But.....I do not want to be the way I once was.  I'm willing to wait this time.  My number isn't that high.  I've been told that despite what I might think about my number it's actually really low for this day in age.  So, I'll believe my friends when they tell me this.  

Moving on to the reason for this blog.  Evey day I get hit on by somewhere between 1 and 3 men.  Some of these are men who have been pursuing me for months and 2 have been attempting to "score" me for years.  I become single again and it's like a neon sign goes up somewhere in the world that says 'Mell is single again pursue her until she caves!!"  Now, while I may be known to have a healthy sexual appetite courtesy of rumors that may have been circulated years ago about me by some idiot who decided to brag about the conquer of Mell.  I'm not that girl anymore!!!  I haven't been in years.  I was 24!!  That was 3 years ago.  And I'm also known for declining guys in droves as well.  I'm picky.  I'm selective.  All it takes is one nasty habit or stupid comment for me to say N.O.!!!!  

So, some of these men continue to hit one me.  They start off all sweet and kind.  They say really nice things to me and of course I fall for it.  Then they turn the subject to that nasty little 3 letter word.  S.E.X.  I get so fed up with this!  Why bother being nice at all if they are just going to turn into horny boys?  I've done everything from delete them off my friends list, delete them off my IM lists, change email addresses, tell them a flat out NO they don't have a chance in Hell of being with me.   I've told them that while I used to be a little "easier" that I'm no longer like that.  I'm a mom for God's sake!!  I am a woman who supports herself and her child.  I pay my own bills, do my own grocery shopping and while I miss being in a relationship and of course miss sex a lot some days I also have this wonderfully rare thing called will power that allows me to be picky and choosy and resist such immature suggestions.  I'm tired of men remembering the way I was years ago.  Come one people!!  I've grown up in 3 years...why can't all of you??  Just act more like adults!!  Be polite and don't bring up my past even if you know it well.  I'm no longer the same girl I was 3 years ago.  When I tell you this clean your ears, put on some glasses and listen to what I'm saying!!!!   Stop hitting on me unless you want more than sex!!  You'd eventually get it I can guarantee that...maybe not til the second or third date (haha j/k)  But you must make it past the first date!  I'm a mom first and foremost and I don't give a shit how many ways you say we can get around my son finding out what we're doing I'm not gonna sleep with you!!  I will kick you to the curb for saying these things!!  My apartment will not have a revolving door of men!  My son will not be exposed to such reckless, immature, irresponsible ways of life!!  I realize that the man I date eventually may not be 'the one', I also know that it may take a few tries to get to that long-lasting relationship, but that's why this time I'm taking my time with dating.  I'm going to use every strength of will I have to maintain in control until I have gotten to know the guy enough before I sleep with him.  I just want men to stop remembering what used to be and see me for what and who I am now.  Maybe they'd get a date with me once in a while if they saw things this way.

So, my goal is no longer moving back to Maine. It's still an option but I'm also looking into employment and apartments in other states.  My top 5 are Florida, California, Montana, Maryland and Utah.  Try not to laugh to hard at my list but I have my reasons for each.  I just want to start over.  In Vermont people remember the fat girl who was depressed and always down on herself...or I'm Alberta's niece, Carol's niece or Emily's daughter.  In Maine I'm remembered for that mysteriously sexy and overly-confident woman who all the men want.  I just want a fresh start away from these 2 parts of my life.  I made a fair share of mistakes.  Tell me someone who hasn't.  But I want my own identity.  I want people to stop seeing the girl and woman I once was and see me for the woman I am now.  I'm a damn good mom who would fight to the death for my son.  I'm a really hard worker at both school and work.  I'm talented when it comes to the arts, music and theater.  I'm simply me.  I am tired of being seen for what I was.  While both those persona's are parts of my life neither are who I am now.  Even my family only sees the girl I used to be back before I left Vermont 7 and a half years ago.  Maybe moving again will allow me to have both of those girls on my own memory, share them with who I see fit to share them with and gain a new self-identity and start down a new path with no one labeling me "the depressed, fat girl" or "the sexually confident, easy score."  

Who knows!!  Anything is possible.  Just have to keep my chin up and keep going forward.  

Thanks for allowing me to rant and share this with whomever chooses to read it.  

Til next time! 

~M~

Here we go! Here we go! Here we go now!

Obie Kabie.  So, tonight is gonna be a little bit different than usual.  No annoyances.  No irritations.  No hypothetical soap box rants and rambles.  Just a blog about the year.  The events both good and bad.  A reminiscence of sorts. I'm doing this now because I have a lot to say and don't care to wait. Plus, the year is going to end in a matter of a few weeks. 

2009.  An interesting year.  2009 had a rocky start that should have told me exactly how this year was going to go, but alas I was my overly-optimistic self and shrugged it off as just a strange set of events.  I usually don't believe in that kind of thing.  Ya know that 'this has to mean something' kind of thing.  Instead I just pushed ahead and looked forward to 2009.  After all life wasn't that bad.  I was going into the year with my dream job.  A job I had wanted since I was 6 years old.  I was working for the man who had inspired me to go into radio in the first place.  That was a good start.  And the most important thing that I was heading into 2009 with was my handsome little boy, Cameron.  The most important person in my life.  My universe. 

But.....

I should have gone with my gut and first instinct and realized that New Years Eve at 11:39 PM's event did mean something and was the start for what was to come in 2009.  

Here we go...the 2009 recap starting with that fateful event that happened at 11:39 PM December 31, 2008.  

Lemme give you a little background first.  I had reconnected with an old friend.  Someone I had known since the 3rd grade.  She and I had been best friends from 3rd grade right on up to freshman year of high school when we lost contact.  We found each other again in August 2009 when we both were going through court battles over our kids.  Mine a lot easier than hers I later discovered.  We started hanging out and getting to know each other all over again and I decided that it would be a great idea to spend New Years Eve together at First Night.  So, I bought the buttons for all of us as a gift and treat for her and her 3 kids.   Toward the end Cammie was getting fussy and her kids were becoming awful to deal with.  They were disobedient, uncontrollable and throwing some pretty severe and very embarrassing tantrums at Fuller Hall.  So, we were asked to leave because of them and made our way back to the van and came home.  She called me just after she got home and we had a few words of disagreement and that was that.  Years of childhood friendship and months of attempting to reconnect gone because of our different parenting styles.  What had in essence brought us back together (our kids) was what inevitably tore us apart.  I knew we were not meant to be friends but absentmindedly shrugged these feelings aside and decided it was all in my head.  I decided to be optimistic and continue trying despite how different we both had become in the 11 years we had been separated from each other.  (one would think that after what happened to me back in 2004 with my ex-husband I would start listening to my gut feelings and not just shrug them off right?? hahaha)  This friend had been through so much crap that had derailed her.  The scariest thing though was that some of the things she had been through I had also been through...just at different stages of our lives. We had both been victims of domestic abuse and rape.  We had both been used and tossed away by men and we both had difficult relationships with one parent or another at one point or another.  We had simply chosen to handle these situations differently.  She had chosen alcohol, drugs, cigarettes and one awful, abusive relationship after another to deal with her issues and I had chosen to fight head on and not let anything keep me down.  After being raped and abused by my ex-husband I sought counseling and took a woman's self defense class as well as kick boxing to help me deal with the anger and aggression I was feeling toward him.  I chose to deal with the parental issues by facing the problems head on and forgiving instead of holding onto the anger and harsh feelings.  She also gave up all of her dreams and goals.  I chose to pursue them.  Even when they didn't pan out the way I had hoped or visioned they would I still kept trying and in the meantime setting new goals and dreams for myself.  She gave up and tossed in the towel and I refuse (even now) to give up and allow anything to hold me back or keep me down.  

11:39 PM on December 31, 2008 our friendship came to an end officially.  I set the phone back on the receiver and decided that being friends with her was no longer an option.   I sat down in my recliner, rocked Cammie to sleep, put on my comfy, oversize pj's and turned on the TV to watch the ball drop from Time's Square.  I shrugged off the feeling that was festering in my gut.  It kept telling me that something wasn't right.  I just assumed that it was due to the confrontation I had just had a few minutes earlier.  I called my baby brother and talked to him about it and worked through the emotions.  

Then the ball dropped and I went to bed.  I cried and then fell into a deep dreamless sleep still hopeful that 2009 was gonna be awesome.  

That feeling ended 2 days into 2009 2 days before I was supposed to go back to work at the best job in the world.  Being a disc jockey at WGMT Magic 97.7 FM.  I decided to go to Vermontmornings.com and read the latest article by Todd Wellington.  Much to my shock and horror it was a goodbye to his fans and listeners.  After 7 years as a morning co-host he was being let go due to the bad economy and low advertising.  I then heard about Greg/Josh at KIX 105.5 FM (the local country station) who had been let go as well after 3 years there.  I knew it was inevitable.  My job was next on the chopping block.  So, I emailed my boss and inspiration Steve Nichols and asked when I was to do my last on air broadcast.  He emailed me back that next morning and said that he was sorry to tell me this but I had already done my last shift.  I was being let go immediately.  He would have my paycheck mailed to me.  I believe him when he said that he did everything he could to keep his jocks but in the end it wasn't enough.  Once again I tried to remain optimistic and keep my chin up.  I sent him back an email immediately that told him I would be A-OK and that I was appreciative for his hiring me.  That he had made my childhood dreams come true when he did so.  I also told him that he hadn't seen nor heard the last of me.  I was fighter and this wasn't gonna keep me down.  

Then a week later January 12, 2009 everything seemed as though the year was going to be a great year cuz my baby boy took his first steps.  9 months, 5 days old and he walked 11 steps across the living room of our tiny apartment.  I was ecstatic.  I had been able to see his first official steps.  I then had hope.  I continued on with my job hunting.  I filled out application after application after application and sent out resume after resume after resume and called employer after potential employer after employer only to keep being told the same damn things.  "We're not busy enough."  "We went with someone else more qualified."  "We aren't looking for anyone new right now but we'll keep your application on file and call if we need someone."   or lame excuses that were the equivalent of being told that I was "over-qualified"  Months of interview after hopeful interview and still nothing.  Then April came around and everything seemed right with the world.  My handsome baby boy turned 1 on April 7th and the party went off without a hitch.  He had a blast with all of his family surrounding him.  Cammie kept my mind off most things during the day but at night it was a different story.

The downs of 2009.  I went through some pretty bad days that no one ever saw.  I kept my negative feelings to myself for the most part.  I cried in the solace of apartment where no one but my cats could hear or see me.  I wept silently into my pillow night after night after night feeling more and more lonely.  Cameron would go to bed and I would feel that lonely aching sadness creep over me again and again.  It hurt so much some nights that all I did was cry and think about how much I wanted to be with someone on nights like that.  This went on for months.  Most of May into late September.  I was/still am unemployed, (technically unemployed), alone and feeling like nothing was ever going to get better. During the day I was bubbly, happy, optimistic to my friends and family and fellow volunteers at the hospital.  I was Mell.  This intelligent, bubbly wonderfully hardworking woman.  No one ever truly saw the other side of me.  I kept her well hidden.  My shrouds of tears and sorrowful nights were mine and mine alone. I spent much of my summer hiding my reddened tear stained eyes from the public.  I was embarrassed to let people know that I could be so weak and lonely.  I wasn't supposed to be that way.  After all people counted on me to keep them up and feeling positive.  

Then in August (anyone sensing a pattern here about turning point months in my life?)  August 29th to be exact after months of flirting and years of being friends with this man I knew from college in Maine we got together in person to see of we could and should be anything more than friends.  We got together to find out if we had chemistry beyond friendship.  We both had some feelings that had grown for one another over the last 5 months and now we were going to act on them.  He came here to Vermont and we got together and hung out by the end of the weekend I was heartbroken and feeling like a take and toss Tupper-ware container.  He got what he wanted and never spoke to me again.  Instead he pursued someone else and left me in the dirt. (we did manage to save our friendship which is now a bit more strained than before but at least it did get salvaged)  But because of this weekend it proved to me that I was still desirable and men could still want me and after that next batch of tears and self-pity cleared (took about 2 weeks)  I moved forward again plotting my next course of action.  I started planning a move.  A move back to Maine to be with my friends who I had started to miss more than anything in the world over the last year.  I was feeling confident and happy and positive that things were going to work out for Cammie and me.  So, I started calling places in Portland, Maine about apartments and jobs and started planning the next steps.  Now, I'm just waiting patiently for an apartment to become available.  I have faith again.  

Then things (signs of a good year to come) started popping up all over the place for my entire family).

1.  My friend Jeni who I had been looking for since freshman year of high school when we were no longer allowed to be friends (because I was a different religion than her)  found me on Facebook.  Turns out she had been looking for me too. 

2.  My mom and future step-dad got approved to start planning their wedding officially.        

     *They also started to talk through the issues that my mom had been withholding from him and the issues that had been causing fights between me and my mom over the last few months (look to previous post for that story)

                        

3.  My baby brother started hanging out with a young lady friend who he has taken a serious interest in.  He's very happy and has a friend who needs him as much as he needs her.  Very sweet actually.

4.  My Aunt Birdie who lost her job shortly after I did is the happiest anyone has ever seen her.  She's losing weight and more relaxed and is even thinking about going to CCV to take some classes and maybe even get a degree.  (I'm uber-duber proud of her)  

Those are the things and events that are giving me hope that maybe next year all is going to be OK.  I'm also feeling more optimistic that a man or some kind of relationship is in the cards for me too.  I keep sitting here at night feeling so very happy for my friends and family but I still feel somewhat blue at times when I realize that my family isn't coming over nearly as often because they all have someone.  My brother has Amanda.  My mom has Norman.  My Aunt Carol has Larry and my Aunt Birdie has her friend's Dee and Sandy.  I have my school work and work when they need me and most importantly I have my son.  But despite all of that there is still a feeling that something is missing.

But because of all the good fortune my friends and family have seen to end the year I have faith and hope that maybe next year will be great.

So, my new years resolution is going to be fairly simple.  It's to keep my chin up and continue moving forward.  I may have had 23 job declinations in 2009, a broken friendship and a broken heart but I believe with all my heart and soul that there is always bad before the good hits.  Things always, always get worse before they get better.  8-)

So, there you have it.  2009 in a nutshell.  The good.  The bad.  The happy and finally the sad.  

Here's to 2010 and the good things that lie ahead for all of us.  

Til next time!!  

~M~