So, someone described me as quiet. Of all things to describe as...quiet is certainly not one I hear very often. Quirky, strange, loner, odd, weird, kind, loud, obnoxious, cocky, colorful, perky, optimistic, bubbly, hard-working, kind-of funny, opinionated, intelligent, blunt, slightly arrogant. These are things that ring true when describing me. But Quiet?? Not so much. I mean of course I do get quiet on occasion...who doesn't? I get quiet when I'm lost in thought. I'm quiet when I'm pissed off at someone. I'm quiet when I'm day-dreaming about a someone I should sooooo NOT be day dreaming about. I get quiet when I'm alone. (of course) But quiet is not something any of my friends or family would describe me as.
But...this person who used this term was someone who strictly knew me inside of a classroom. So, to a certain degree I can understand their misconception of me. Yes, OK this setting I'm quiet in until I really get comfortable with things. Mostly though...I observe people. Watch them. Watch their faces when something is being said that might seem out of the ordinary. Look at their clothes, shoes, hair-styles. I try to observe everything. I like to breathe everything in. Most people are very predictable and they don't even know it. 9 times out of ten a person's personality is correct upon this type of quiet observation. This type of observation of people's predict abilities is how I remained an A student in public speaking during college in Bangor, ME.
For me...I try very hard not to be predictable. I don't want anyone to truly feel as though they know me just yet. Of course the one exception to this is when I make friends or am in a relationship with someone...then it's only appropriate and respectful to allow people to get to know me and share my true self with them. Otherwise I'd just be a horrible person and very disrespectful. I do have my exceptions and limits. But...for the most part...I like change. I crave change. I like things that upset the balance of my life. I like learning new things. I try very hard to present myself as anything but predictable. Maybe I've been too quiet in the classroom. Or....maybe I've been just the correct amount of quiet. This person said I was polite, nice, a pleasure to be around. But the word that always catches me off guard is quiet. People!! Take a good hard look at the things I post on my FB page. Read through my status messages. This is the real me. I like being daring. I enjoy making some people cringe. I like trying to push the edge of the envelope to the point of discomfort. I enjoy the idea of making people wonder about me. I love that OMG!!! look of shock when a person see's me outside of a class or work setting. I am very different when in the "real world" setting where I'm allowed to be myself. I get to be myself outside the walls of a classroom setting. I'm not politically correct. I like being naughty. I enjoy the sexual side of life. And of course while I admit and acknowledge being seen by men as just that is not something I want nor desire as I am so much more than just that. I also don't feel that I should be forced to change the way I view my sexuality. I am more than this too. I am smart and sexy and see no reason as to why I can't be both. I'm confident with who I am and see no reason why this is wrong.
So, those last statements are to acknowledge one of my previous blogs about how I want to be asked out for more than just sexual reasons. I won't deny that this may seem like I'm contradicting what I said in that blog and to a certain degree that may be somewhat true but at the same time I still am more than just that sexual being and just because I exude a sexual confidence and leave naughty messages on my FB wall does not mean that this topic is all I care to talk about when chatting. I still hold the right to be sexy and naughty but intelligent and brainy at the same time. I see absolutely no reason as to why I should have to change that particular part of my personality. I consider myself well rounded. I'm emotional, for a couple 2-3 days out of the month I get moody, I'm a damn good mom to my son and always put him first, I'm an honor student, smart and open-minded. I'm independent and have even made a fair share of mistakes some of which have left a huge impact on my life. I'm not perfect. Far from it. But overall I'm a well rounded good person who strives for excellence in myself and my sexual confidence is just one minor part of me. I'm happy with who I am and stand by that blog that asked/told any man who hits on me not to expect anything sexual from me. I might post naughty messages and discuss these topics with my friends...friends who know all of my personality....but I'm so much more. And these friends know this about me. These are the friends who also talk about politics, religion, books, writing, music, etc. Sex is not the only topic that comes up. I won't change that side of me. I won't stop posting the naughty messages on my FB wall. If you look closer at my profile you will see that there is a whole lot more to me. Everything is there. Clear as a sunny spring morning. Written out so no one has to guess. I'm open and honest and willing to answer anything you ask of me.
OK, so I went off on a bit too long of a tangent and ramble but I figured it was only fair to acknowledge that this blog might slightly contradict that prior blog. Continuing on with my point below...
There is another reason I try to be more of a quiet observer in this type of setting. It's also because I want to learn everything I can about the subject to the best of my abilities. I feel that someone (whether it be myself or the government through grants and loans) s paying for me to be sitting in that class and in that respect I want to take it somewhat seriously. I want to make good use of every cent that is being paid for me to be sitting there. I like to show the instructor some respect as well and if I choose to be myself (the more silly, shocking, naughty, sexually aggressive side) then I think this would be extremely disrespectful to not just the teacher but the class as a whole.
More than anything I just wanted to get this curious discovery spoken about me out in the open. It came across as befuddling and funny to me. I'm not really quiet. I'm actually the total opposite in person. Truth be told I would actually like to get to know this person outside of the classroom as well. They are a very attractive, interesting person who seems to have a lot of knowledge beyond the subjects being studied. And it wouldn't kill them to discover the many sides of Mell either. I'd like to think that I'm a lot of fun to be around and that I can enhance anyone's life hehehe. :p
Til next time!!
~M~
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