So tired of being hit on!!!! Didn't see that one coming did ya now?? I've finally losing it when it comes to this!! These 2 men have hit on me for the last time!!! Let's start this ramble!!
Be warned before reading any further that you may learn a few things about me ya might not wanna know depending on how we know each other...
I'll be the first to admit that I want to be in a relationship but not for the reasons that I keep getting hit on for. The men that hit on me are some from my past. Back in Maine I wasn't so proper. I'll admit that I was sexually confident. I used to come home from one date change my clothes and go out on another. I had different dates every night of the week. No, I didn't sleep with all of them. That's just ridiculous and gross. I just simply went out with most of them. Ya know...glow bowling, dinner, a movie here and there. And yeah of course I did sleep with some of them. I'm human...I have needs/wants too. I have done the whole one night stand thing. But that's all in my past. Done!!! Over!!! Fine'!!!!! Nothing I want to do again. Do I miss sex?? Oh Hell yes!!!! I'll be the first to admit that. (Ideally, if I could have my way...I'd have sex every day for the rest of my life when in a relationship...once again I reiterate that this is simply an "ideal" fantasy I have...most men are unable to keep up with my sexually) Think of me as the epitome of that phrase "It's the quiet ones you have to watch out for."
But.....I do not want to be the way I once was. I'm willing to wait this time. My number isn't that high. I've been told that despite what I might think about my number it's actually really low for this day in age. So, I'll believe my friends when they tell me this.
Moving on to the reason for this blog. Evey day I get hit on by somewhere between 1 and 3 men. Some of these are men who have been pursuing me for months and 2 have been attempting to "score" me for years. I become single again and it's like a neon sign goes up somewhere in the world that says 'Mell is single again pursue her until she caves!!" Now, while I may be known to have a healthy sexual appetite courtesy of rumors that may have been circulated years ago about me by some idiot who decided to brag about the conquer of Mell. I'm not that girl anymore!!! I haven't been in years. I was 24!! That was 3 years ago. And I'm also known for declining guys in droves as well. I'm picky. I'm selective. All it takes is one nasty habit or stupid comment for me to say N.O.!!!!
So, some of these men continue to hit one me. They start off all sweet and kind. They say really nice things to me and of course I fall for it. Then they turn the subject to that nasty little 3 letter word. S.E.X. I get so fed up with this! Why bother being nice at all if they are just going to turn into horny boys? I've done everything from delete them off my friends list, delete them off my IM lists, change email addresses, tell them a flat out NO they don't have a chance in Hell of being with me. I've told them that while I used to be a little "easier" that I'm no longer like that. I'm a mom for God's sake!! I am a woman who supports herself and her child. I pay my own bills, do my own grocery shopping and while I miss being in a relationship and of course miss sex a lot some days I also have this wonderfully rare thing called will power that allows me to be picky and choosy and resist such immature suggestions. I'm tired of men remembering the way I was years ago. Come one people!! I've grown up in 3 years...why can't all of you?? Just act more like adults!! Be polite and don't bring up my past even if you know it well. I'm no longer the same girl I was 3 years ago. When I tell you this clean your ears, put on some glasses and listen to what I'm saying!!!! Stop hitting on me unless you want more than sex!! You'd eventually get it I can guarantee that...maybe not til the second or third date (haha j/k) But you must make it past the first date! I'm a mom first and foremost and I don't give a shit how many ways you say we can get around my son finding out what we're doing I'm not gonna sleep with you!! I will kick you to the curb for saying these things!! My apartment will not have a revolving door of men! My son will not be exposed to such reckless, immature, irresponsible ways of life!! I realize that the man I date eventually may not be 'the one', I also know that it may take a few tries to get to that long-lasting relationship, but that's why this time I'm taking my time with dating. I'm going to use every strength of will I have to maintain in control until I have gotten to know the guy enough before I sleep with him. I just want men to stop remembering what used to be and see me for what and who I am now. Maybe they'd get a date with me once in a while if they saw things this way.
So, my goal is no longer moving back to Maine. It's still an option but I'm also looking into employment and apartments in other states. My top 5 are Florida, California, Montana, Maryland and Utah. Try not to laugh to hard at my list but I have my reasons for each. I just want to start over. In Vermont people remember the fat girl who was depressed and always down on herself...or I'm Alberta's niece, Carol's niece or Emily's daughter. In Maine I'm remembered for that mysteriously sexy and overly-confident woman who all the men want. I just want a fresh start away from these 2 parts of my life. I made a fair share of mistakes. Tell me someone who hasn't. But I want my own identity. I want people to stop seeing the girl and woman I once was and see me for the woman I am now. I'm a damn good mom who would fight to the death for my son. I'm a really hard worker at both school and work. I'm talented when it comes to the arts, music and theater. I'm simply me. I am tired of being seen for what I was. While both those persona's are parts of my life neither are who I am now. Even my family only sees the girl I used to be back before I left Vermont 7 and a half years ago. Maybe moving again will allow me to have both of those girls on my own memory, share them with who I see fit to share them with and gain a new self-identity and start down a new path with no one labeling me "the depressed, fat girl" or "the sexually confident, easy score."
Who knows!! Anything is possible. Just have to keep my chin up and keep going forward.
Thanks for allowing me to rant and share this with whomever chooses to read it.
Til next time!
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